Reply All: The Button For Douche Bags

Sweet mother of God, I don't know what possesses the creatures who share this mudball with me to hit 'reply all' on every uncle fucking mass email they receive, but this has got to stop.  I know there's no law against it but we have to change that if for no other reason than the only other inbox that's more crammed full of shit from people whose first names I don't know belongs to Paris Hilton.  And yeah, I know she's been out of the news lately but that's what happens when you complain that the ONLY people you won't fuck in an entire city of LA, a metropolis which has morals that would shame a stoat, happen to be darker than old timey supermarket paper bags.  And this coming from a woman who looks like she got fucked by the Russian Army!  I'm not saying she's easy, but she makes long division look complex.  And she's had more dudes in her than the Acropolis.  Wait, what was I saying?  Oh yeah, reply all.  Why on earth there is a need to inform everyone on a mass email list that you are congratulating someone on their new baby?  Because it seems a bit self centered to want some attention, especially since the person who should be getting the attention just shoved a whole person through an orifice that is only supposed to be treated very gently.  I get it, you're excited, but maybe you should refrain from sharing that excitement with the rest of us and just give the new mom/dad/sleepless person the sum total of your pleasant thoughts... hmmm?  And then when a few days later we get to find out how much you want to kick into the baby fund that got mass emailed too!  "Sounds great, count me in for ten bucks!"  Nice.  Thanks.  Makes my fiver seem so fucking great in comparison, and hey, I get to share my chagrin with the rest of the office.  Sorry all I had was  five and a fifty on me, but take them both because I don't want to be called Scrooge McFuck behind my back until whatever the next big office scandal is happens and takes the heat off of my thrifty ass.  But before that happens I can't wait to read the crushing volume of "can do's" and "got it's" from whatever mass email was sent out regarding parking this morning.  People, I understand that the thought of not responding to these things to let everyone know just how quick to can answer is almost as unbearable as having a conversation face to face with the other person, but you have to realize just how freakishly annoying this is becoming.  I look like a total ass whenever my boss walks past my desk and sees 47 unread emails on my office outlook.  "Hey, you on a vacation?" he asks.  Yeah, from sanity.  And I'm homesick.